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Updatuar

Mime Dracoz wants to hug you. Will you hug Mime Dracoz?

Q: What's big and marble and full of titans?

A: A box made of marble that someone put a lot of titans inside and then closed.

Then they opened that box and let the titans out in Storm Peaks and they were so angry they hammered things flat and spit up a bunch of monsters. The monsters ran all over the hammered house and each took up a spot. There they sat for thousands of years, until we showed up to kill them.

So for anyone not following the story: that's what's up. Sort of.

If you don't believe me take it up with Mime Niban



Anyway: ULDUAR!



Flame Leviathan

Flame Leviathan first went down on Apr. 17. Since then we've killed him several times on the easiest hard mode (+1), but not +2 quite yet.

Flame Leviathan is an enormous fire breathing dragon that was created by Nefarion to defend Blackrock Mountain, but was accidentally teleported to Ulduar by Jaina Proudmore because whenever someone tries to fight someone else and she's around she ports them. He has a four-tiered hard mode, which are disabled by splashing buckets of water in his face with a giant dwarven waterwheel.

(warning: the previous paragraph contained many, many lies)



Razorscale

Razorscale first went down on Apr. 22nd. He's died basically every week since.

Razorscale is actually a duo of bosses: an enormous shaving implement and a mechanized bathroom scale. You cannot damage the razor (as it's made of metal) and it's dps is too high to tank safely, so you have to kite it around the room while everyone else stands on the scale, spam-eating food to increase their "weight." When the scale finally breaks it's springs pop out and players can affix them to their feet, springing into the trees! The razor will try to chop them down but will hit a branch instead, crushing itself. This is really more of an execution fight than anything else.

(warning: none of that is true)



Ignis the Furnace Master

Ignis first died May 15th. We killed him first using the proper strat, but since then we've just DPS zerged him, which is way easier. Also his trash has been nerfed, which is basically the only reason I don't beg to skip him every week.



Ignis is Ragnaros' little brother. When we defeated Rags in MC many years ago, he swore revenge. Traveling under the sea in a magnificent iron capsule, he reached Northrend and asked Arthas for the power to destroy the Watchers once and for all. Instead Arthas took his brain. Now he makes stone toy soldiers in Ulduar and rubs people against his crotch.

(Warning: at least 1/3rd of the above is true. Is that scarier than the lies?)



Deconstructor

We first downed Decon on Apr. 29th. No hard mode attempts yet.



Deconstructor is a robot with the brain of a 5 year old child. He lives in a garbage dump. He breaks people on accident. When we kill him his arms fall off.

(Warning: there is no lie)



The Iron Council

We first defeated the Iron Council on May 29th. We've only successfully killed them by leaving Brundir up last... though we could totally take Molegeim if we had a mage.

The Iron Council is 222 dwarves who make all of the decisions regarding Ulduar's imports and exports. They each have a seat from which they throw rocks and various minor bludgeoning weapons. The tanks must deflect the flying instruments with their sheilds/claws/swords while the raid sweeps through the amphitheater and knocks the dwarves out of their chairs. They'll fall down onto the center floor, where they'll be eaten by geese.

(warning: yeah... that's all lies again)



Kologarn

Kologarn was first killed May 8th. After all the nerfs he's insanely ezpz now.



Kologarn is a stone mammoth build to haul giant blocks around. However he refuses to haul anything that doesn't look like a log (since mammoths in nature only haul trees). When he enters the room he breaks a huge hole in the ground so the raid can't pass! The solution? Carve pillars in the room to look like logs so Kologarn will haul them to create a bridge! The melee must carve the pillars while the casters fend off Kologarn's tremendous trunk with fire (which he fears). After he starts tearing down pillars (phase 2) the raid must avoid cave-ins. Kologarn isn't killed he just kind of wanders off eventually.

(Warning: this is the first lie that I deeply wish were truth)



Auriya

We first killed Auriya on May 29th. She's really confusing but not actually hard.



Auriyayaya is a giant stone woman with two cats. When the fight starts the cats will kill someone instantly unless they're hiding behind a wall. Auriyayaa will also spawn swarms of bugs and another cat who has 9 lives. She will scream really loud and scare people, and also scream really loud to kill people. I guess it depends on what she says. Dead cats create void zones and then resurrect, pouncing on people. She also farts.

(Warning: it's all too true)



Hodir

We first beat Hodir on Jun 5th. He's probably the toughest boss in Ulduar so far.



Hodir is made of ice. Ice falls everywhere during the fight. Ice will be in your pants by the end even if you do everything perfectly, and in your spleen if you don't. When you kill him he doesn't die but just walks off and looks at a floating girl, which is cool but also weird.

(Warning: No lies)



Thorim

We first beat Thorim on Jun. 5th, about 30 seconds after looking at him. Easiest boss ever.



Thorim stands there until you kill him. There is one dwarf that will try to stop you but he only has 200 hp.

(Warning: This is technically lie, but true in spirit)



And that's where we are. There are 4 more bosses and we're done!

... well and then the hard modes.

And then Algalon.

But we're getting close! Maybe next time I'll actually make a post WHEN we kill a boss. Or maybe not. Only time will tell!



Until next time!
23 Jun 2009 by carwin
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