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How to Fail a Sobriety Test
So I went to Silithus, hearing that Blizz had patched a new max-level quest line in with 2.4.3.b.01. Apparently a hunter was in need of mats to build his ultrasonic insect massager, or something along those lines.
I showed up and wouldn't you know it: camped to hell.
I got a blind invite to a raid (!?). Normally I wouldn't accept but I just assumed these guys knew something I didn't.
It seemed like a pretty good crew. Friendly and talkative. I figured I'd stick around a bit.
Turns out the quest is a triple escort. Tom has three companions: Tigerion, Branwenn and Deerslayer. Each must take samples from the various Silithus Hives. Rather than do them one at a time as a group, like sane people, they decide to split up and tackle them simultaneously in three groups. I suppose all quests are raid quests when you approach them like that.
My group went with Branwenn to Hive Regal. Within minutes, the reason behind their bizarro-decision to split the raid became clear: Extreme. Substance. Abuse. These people are literally powered by alcohol (and, apparently, anything else they can get into their mouths). Our hunter had to be fed hard liquor -- as in someone had to physically pour it down her throat like gasoline into a lawnmower -- or she'd start convulsing, or collapse, or freak out and scream at us. It was alternately funny and disturbing, in much the same way a crazy person is funny until they try to stab you.
Bran lead us all around the hive. It was... unfocused. To be charitable. She passed out, ran in circles, repeatedly lost her pet, and ate various slimy things she found on the ground. It was great.
Tigerion's group wound up in Un'goro fishing in tar pits, and Deerslayer peed on people. So I think my group got hooked up.
We finally got our sample and "ran" (read: crawled) back to the Swarming Pillar, where Tom awaited amidst the bugz.
"Lo!" he said, "My imperious hamburger elongator is almost complete. However my hunters are out of ammo, please farm mats for them."
Farming as a raid. I know. Blizz and their time sinks!
Off we went, slaughtering bugs left and right. I stabbed one in the thorax and it totally exploded. I ribbed off it's probing probiscus and gave it to Tom, who was quite impressed.
Eventually the bullets were made (why are we giving ammunition to these drunks?) and Tom unveiled our final objective: To defeat Emissary Roman'khan of the Qiraji. He unveiled his gizmotronic trampoline embroiderer, which is supposed to shatter Qiraji shells and make them easily damaged.
It seems to have worked, because we beat Roman into submission in a matter of seconds, despite several "Friendly Fire" incidents involving Tom's crack-team of strung-out Hunters.
"Well done!" Tom declared, "you have done a great deed for the people of this forsaken desert who would probably be better off if they moved somewhere else anyway," he said (though I paraphrase slightly).
Everyone received Elixirs as rewards, which is a fine payment for such a fun night.
"You may return to your homes," he said.
"You wish to bring my invention further into Qiraji territory: a place known mysteriously as AQ40!"
The vote was unanimous: into Ackforty!
Personally, I'd never been to the place Pre-BC, being limited to the 20-mans and Molten Core. With only 15, we ran up the long, looong stairs and into the dramatic entry hallway.
The trash was trivial, partly thanks to our level 70, epicced-out selves, but mostly due to Tom's holographic sandwich reupholsterier. At least, that's what he said.
We cleared to the first boss in no time. Several phat loots dropped, including good old fashioned AQ20-style minable Bug-poop.
But most notably: Ridable bugs!!
Croybies!! ... I tell ya.
Grats Branwenn and Dracoz. Now quick, someone confiscate Bran's keys. She's been licking hallucinogenic lightning-bugs all night.
Sadly, The Prophet Skeram totally owned us. It turns out this is a VERY small-raid unfriendly boss. Not because he hits hard (he doesn't) or because he has millions of HP (hardly any), but because he mind controls 3 people (aka: 1/5th of our raid), imbues them with 300% damage bonus (aka: 6000 attack power rogues), and sicks them on our healers. There's just no way that was getting won without much more organization than we're willing to endure.
Oh well. We still got to see a few new yards of content!
Thank you everyone for coming. Double-thank-you everyone who donated prizes. Triple thank-you to the three hunters who donated their time and exceptional role-playing / comedy / drinking skills to make this great. And quadruple-thank-you to Katala for putting the whole thing together!
Next time you need a chronomatic pastry softener, you know who to call.
See you all again soon for more ridiculous adventures.
Oh! While I'm here, enjoy a few screenshots from the awesome Summerfest holiday.
It's lucent!!! And Tuptup (not pictured) too! <3
Sometimes I get crabby when I lead raids! LOL!
He's Ahuge! ROFL!
This image is more hilarious than any pun I could ever write. So it's kinda funny.
See you next time!
|07 Jul 2008 by carwin|
|by Drunk Tom @ 07 Jul 2008 06:59 pm
|I want to thank everyone for coming out. I especially want to thank Tig, Red, adn Bran for super improvisation skills. I gave them Booze rules, but 90% of the fun was completely them. Also, Thank you Beans and Cail for tackling the near impossible task of getting non-watchers to participate in this event.
|by Tig @ 13 Jul 2008 10:35 pm
|Hmm... I'd like to let everyone know that I'll take donations of alcohol in the name of Tom's next event at any time! :) And sorry to my group that ended up in Un'Goro, I was on a quest to avenge my unborn mother from the Devilsaurs... who conviently all were hiding at the time for mah fishingpole. And thanks Tom for understanding my need to go fishing in Tar pits over my party joining the second part of the questline.