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The Tonk Off Cameth...
I'm gonna forgo my usual tomfoolery because Tom did it for me (unintentional puns ftw!). Below is a modified-without-permission plagarization of Tom's forum post of this fan-tonking-tastic event, plus a tonk-load of fancy computerized screenshots. I didn't add any terrible jokes, so if you find one blame Tom. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Btw: Most of the screenshots in this update can be clicked for full-screen versions. Tonks are tiny and fun.

The second sentence of the previous paragraph is only partially related to the first, but still factual.

The Tonkstruction
By Tom/Katala/Gary

The Tonks came, the Tonks battled, the Tonks raced, and most importantly: the Tonks exploded. The Tonks raced and fought their way across Stormwind, leaving charred oil stains on some of the cities greatest historical and cultural locales. Eventually it even spilled out into the normally quiet Elwyn Forest, finally coming to a conclusion deep in the woods in a forgotten tower.

Better send some altar boys out to clear that mine field!

I donít have the race results with me, and sadly I canít post any pics. (I canít access the forums from home for some reason, and canít host pics from work.) I know lotsa folks took lotsa pics, so hopefully some will get posted.

[Carwin: Is that my cue? Race results added for each event below and, in case you're reading the brail version of this site and can't tell, I've added screenshots galore]

The attendees (in no particular order):

I want to thank everyone that attended, and congratulate all those that got prizes, which was everyone!

A few of our illustrious competitors:

Prince Malchezaar showed up along with mini-malch

Level 60 Carwin used the Caverns of Time to attend.

Ye' Gods!

Super Headless Santa Man is basically Terror in its purest form.

Ok, that's more than enough of that ugly bunch. On to the races!

Stormwind Cathedral
Type: Race
Winner: Carwin (helllll yeah)

The first race was a slalom race inside Stormwind Cathedral. Almost no one survived, which turned out to be the case in almost every race. This was a bit of a test race for most, it was discovered that being in front meant everyone could shoot at you and being to far back meant you had to dodge the ever blossoming field of landmines left in the wake of the other racers.

The Canal
Type: Deathmatch
Winner: Fishtram

The second event was a subtonkmersable fight in the canals. Landmines became depth charges, and several heated battles took place in the near zero visibilty water. This is also when we first attractted the attention of non-Watchers. Several folks stopped by and gazed briefly at the weird people.
[Carwin: For some reason the underwater shots came out all grainy. The canal must've been dripping into my monitor or something.]

Stormwind Moonwell
Type: Race
Winner: Branwenn

The third event was around the moonwell in The Park. After flushing Male down the moonwell (I really hope someone has a pic of the Moonwell turned toilet bowl) [Carwin: I do! But be patient, O' reader, all good things in time] the racers did several loops arround the moonwell, dodging mines and getting stuck on the surprising number of corners and crevices.
[Carwin: pronounced Crev-ass]

Elias' Cheese Shop
Type: Deathmatch
Winner: Pillowpants
Winner: Finial

Next we headed to Eliasí Cheese shop, where all 14 tonkers ran their tonks into the cheese shop and slugged it out. Leaving the shop was grounds for disqualification, not that anyone lived long enough to get to the door. This fight was so much fun we did it again (with some outside interference, which was completely legal). Getting de-tonked by a bystonker was fair. Hence the two winners.
[Carwin: How many tonks can you find in the screenshot above? I see seven.]

Goldshire Inn
Type: Race
Winner: Carwin (you know it)

The next race was inside the Goldshire Inn. This was an obstacle course involving jumping, dodging (landmines), climbing, and avoiding some guy named Arren. The narrow halls, doorframes, chairs and stairs of this course proved to be so deadly that I banned mines and we did it again. While the ban wasnít totally effective (Arren was probably the rogue Tonk) it did mean several people survived more then one lap.

Crystal Lake
Type: Deathmatch
Winner: Ryuuku

The next fight was in the lake behind the Inn. Any Murlock that survived the arrival of the space santa dwarves or Carwins Leet lvl 60 epics scattered as their rickety reed homes became ground zero for tonkageddon.

Tower of Azora
Type: Deathmatch
Winner: Dracoz and Eressa (tie)

The final battle took place inside the Tower of Azora. Tonks wound their way up and down the complex ramp network, leaving mines and fire in their wake. This was the only fight in which several contestants were able to survive the entire tonk time and we had two winners.

The winner's circle:
1st place: Dracoz
2nd place: Pillowpants
3rd place: Finial / Ryuuku (tie)

Again, thank you for attending, and thank you for the donated prizes. These events are only fun because lots of folks attend. I want to give special mention to Ladros who donated the 5 Greater Essences that he won to the guild bank (holiday spirit FTW!).

[Carwin] Now for some of the left over screenies!


An endless robotic battle raged outside the cheese shop for neigh a millennium. Elias says it really hurt business.

Your caption here!

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy and safe New Year.

[Carwin: Here here!]

18 Dec 2007 by carwin

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