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No news means no update?
Let me get the real news out of the way first.

Branwenn hit 60! Anyone who says otherwise is a lying bag of food.

Nooly, who has been quietly amassing a force to challenge Joa's alt-army, got his third character over level 40.

Mave abandoned the ways of shadow priesthood and settled for the work'a'day life of a disc priest.

Jorren got sixteen new items and four epics and learned to fly.

Congratulations all!

If you achieved something that you're proud of, but was left out above, that's what you get for not posting in the WoW or FFXI Achievements threads.

All right! Now let me tell you a tale.

If this story seems somewhat self-congratulatory, just remember: it's all in your head, spazz.

Smoxx: "How's your pigeon cooking?"

Grekk: "Never you mind."

Smoxx: "Lemme see! Mine is burneded."

Smoxx leaned over the fire, trying to get a look at his companion's dinner.

???: "INCOMING! {call14}"

Someone landed with both feet on Smoxx's back, smashing his face into the blaze.

Smoxx: "Urrghgglgl!!!1!"

A hail of arrows, ice and fire rained onto the hapless orcs. Three heavily armored soldiers, two knife weilding assassins, a wolf, and a bear crashed into the battle, further ensuring the pair's terrible demise.

Carwin: "I see more over there!"

The force turned and charged a trio of startled orcs who were squeezing OJ on the other side of the room.

The invasion had begun!

Blackrock Spire wasn't able to muster a significant defense until the army of rampaging heroes (and animals) were well on their way to the top. Forunately for the Spire's defenders, the whole army leapt off a balcony into the Warchief's arena for reasons nobody could adequately explain.

After an extended shouting match between Lord Victor Nefarius and a gnome, the Warchief Rend Blackhand entered the fray.

Nefarius: "Are you sure you'll be okay? There are an awful lot of them. I could help."

Rend: "No problem! I'll just... Arrgghhhckllll..."

Nefarius: "I'm going back to bed."

When the heroes had decided who should get Rend's Magic Hat, and the bears had finished mauling his corpse, the group moved on. More carnage ensued. All possible puns were exhausted, all bungee jumping opportunities explored.

The Beast was slain but the gnome trapped in its monstrous belly refused to toss out a Finkle's, so he was left for dead.

The heroes' relentless advance soon brought them before the General Drakkisath.

Horun: "I've got a plan!"

Standing on far end of the room the dwarf hurled a heavy piece of cheese at the General's head, then ran away.

Alona: "We need to start discussing these things first."

Nevertheless the General was hopelessly outmatched. He died quickly and painfully.

Carwin: "Rummage through his pockets! This guy has really nice furniture, he probably carries a fortune."

Sandy: "I took his blood!"

The druid held up a red vial.

Alona: "Hey! I want some of that too!"

Carwin: "Eww... what the frick are you guys doing? Cut that out and find some loot, you freaks."

Maevy: "Wow, I found some purple robes!"

Carwin: "Uh, yeah, great. You wear those. Anything else?"

Halfuris: "Just this golden plate thing."

Sandy: "And more bloooood!"

Sandy waved a dozen vials over his head.

Everyone: "Hooray!!"

Sandy: *sluurrrppp*

Carwin: "Good lord... let me see that 'plate' thing please."

Halfuris: "Sure. I've gotta get in line for Drakk's liver anyway."

Carwin: "This... This is a Draconian Deflector! I thought this was only a legend!"

Croy: "Nah, I've got one."

Horun: "Me too! I feed my bear with it. Look I carved Boo's Boowl on the side!"

Maevy: "Kawaiii!"

Alona: "I use mine as a wok."

Carwin: "Oh... well, can i have this one?"

Croy: "Sure."

Horun: "Meh."

Carwin: "Huzzah!"

Sandy: "Drakki-finger?" *meonch meonch*

Carwin: "No thanks."

And so it was that Carwin, Level 60 Warrior for upwards of eight months, finally recieved his Draconian Deflector. Coming in last is better than never coming in at all.

Thank you Watchers and Ysera!! <3

Until next time.

Oh, those totally awesome little icon things came from:
23 Jan 2006 by carwin

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